her vagine was all disorganized.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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