you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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