But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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