Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
