you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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