She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
