then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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