i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
