Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
