Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
