I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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