Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So vagazzling was a success
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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