No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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