I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
