so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
