My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
