i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
