Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i think my tv is drunk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
