Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
