Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
