I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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