you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
