Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
