is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
