what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
