HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
