Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
