i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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