I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
