dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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