I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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