i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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