He passed out mid-signature
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
