You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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