I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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