my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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