Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
