just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
