Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
