Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
