so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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