you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
