i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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