just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
