He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
