woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
