she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
