saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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