please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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