It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
