my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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